Where to begin

[fandoms_rule_my_life67]

I have everything I have ever wanted and then some yet I still find myself just feeling depressed and apathetic. I have no idea how to combat it. All of my normal methods aren't working. I can feel my brand new hyper fixation (Jacksepticeye) starting to fade. I miss the days when an obsession lasted months to a year instead of weeks. Thee fact that I have a good life and no reason to be sad just kind of makes things worse. I just have to keep reminding myself that depression isn't logical and has no rhyme or reason to it.

My issue could quite possibly be due to lack of social interaction. I have no friends here, despite having been here for almost three years now. But between volunteering and college I don't feel that I have the time or energy to go out and try to make friends. The only time I have is on weekends, but that's when I see Carl and I ain't about to give that up since that man is the one thing that makes me truly FEEL something. God that sounds fucking pathetic. I swore to myself I wasn't going to get so attached and be so dependent on someone again, and yet here I am.

I just wish I had a normally functioning brain instead of a defective one. I guess that's it for my first entry as it is getting late and I have to be up early tomorrow.