fandoms_rule_my_life67

Unless you live under a rock I am sure you have heard of the Corona Virus. I have been following it from it's start in Wuhan at the start of January, because of Carl. It's some scary shit. At first I was confident that it wouldn't even reach the U.S. and if it did we would be better prepared for it than China.

Well it is here now and with every passing day I get more and more worried about it, and my paranoia gets worse. I am trying to hold on to the hope that it won't get too terribly bad here, but I lose a little bit more of that hope with each passing day and with every new case that is reported. I know that my family and I won't starve by any means, thanks to my mom being a borderline prepper. Carl has also been stocking up on food to prepare, and when it gets bad we will both just stay holed up in our homes.

You would think that knowing this would calm my nerves a little but it doesn't. I don't even know what I am really scared of? Carl and I will be fine if we get it most likely, I guess its my parents and Carl's parents that I am fearful for. And worst case that it spreads so quickly and wipes out half the population and destroys the economy and whatnot. So end of the world type stuff. I never thought I would be a person that would worry about that, yet here I sit convinced that the worst is on its way and this is it.

If this is it I am torn. On one hand I think well at least I found the love of my life and had a few years with him, it'll be fine. But then on the other I get angry that this shit happened shortly after I found the love of my life and it is now in jeopardy. I just don't want to lose what it took me my whole life to find. Or to lose my parents, or have him lose his parents. That just feels unfair. Right when I think life is good and things are working out in my favor, BOOM a pandemic comes and fucks my shit up. LIke really? why now?

Idk I am probably just majorly overthinking this, and letting my brain run away with the worst case scenario, because anxiety. I really wish I had a normal persons brain so I didn't have to sit here and panic over nothing.

Another thing with this though is the fact that everyone else is just saying oh it's just like the flu, it'll be ok. Meanwhile I'm over here like Watson and screeching how it's not okay. I got into a fight with a person on Facebook yesterday over it, and I am pretty sure I came across as crazy and paranoid. I feel like Mulder and I do not like it one bit.

I have everything I have ever wanted and then some yet I still find myself just feeling depressed and apathetic. I have no idea how to combat it. All of my normal methods aren't working. I can feel my brand new hyper fixation (Jacksepticeye) starting to fade. I miss the days when an obsession lasted months to a year instead of weeks. Thee fact that I have a good life and no reason to be sad just kind of makes things worse. I just have to keep reminding myself that depression isn't logical and has no rhyme or reason to it.

My issue could quite possibly be due to lack of social interaction. I have no friends here, despite having been here for almost three years now. But between volunteering and college I don't feel that I have the time or energy to go out and try to make friends. The only time I have is on weekends, but that's when I see Carl and I ain't about to give that up since that man is the one thing that makes me truly FEEL something. God that sounds fucking pathetic. I swore to myself I wasn't going to get so attached and be so dependent on someone again, and yet here I am.

I just wish I had a normally functioning brain instead of a defective one. I guess that's it for my first entry as it is getting late and I have to be up early tomorrow.